Jousting: Captain Charming Edition
by NothingImpossible
Summary: "How the hell do you even know how to drive this thing?" David calls from the backseat. "Hardly the time, mate!" Killian replies, throwing the stick into third gear as he floors the gas. Random Captain Charming adventure while trying to save the day (again).
**Disclaimer:** Not my characters, not my world. Just my imagination borrowing them for a bit.

* * *

"Hold on!" Killian yells over the

squealing tires as he spins the wheel to the left.

"How the hell do you even know how to drive this thing?" David calls from the backseat.

"Hardly the time, mate!" Killian replies, throwing the stick into third gear as he floors the gas. He carefully aims the wheel toward the narrow alley, grinning wildly as the little yellow bug just fits between the brick walls. "Hell of a captain," he mutters under his breath. "Still got it."

"Got what?" he hears from the backseat, along with the sound of a gun being reloaded with those poisoned sleeping darts - tranquilizers, his brain supplies quickly. "You see 'em? They still behind us?"

"No, all clear," he calls back. "You're supposed to be watching the road, remember?"

The car shoots out of the alley into the street which, unsurprising for Storybrooke at 11am, is thankfully empty. Killian turns the wheel quickly to the right with his hook while jamming his feet on the clutch and the brake at the same time and he wonders just how upset Emma's going to be with the state of her tires later.

All in a day's work for a hero, he thinks with a shrug.

"Think Emma'll mind if I break the back window?" David yells toward him. Killian coaxes the gearshift back into second and they're off again, hopefully in the right direction to head off the bloody hounds from reaching the centre of town.

"Do **_not_** break the window!" he shouts as he speeds up, weaving through the streets. "She'll kill me again, do you _really_ want that?"

David grabs the lever on the door and starts rolling down the side window. "Might get to spend some more time with her if you were out of the way," he mutters under his breath.

Killian grins. He knows it's in jest, David just sore about him starting to help out at the sheriff's station in recent weeks. Though, lately, he's been spending more time chasing around town with her father than with the woman he had finally moved in with. "Perhaps you should take her on a father-daughter outing after we catch these infernal beasts? A picnic maybe?" he offers, turning down a wide street near the park.

"Hmm," he hears from behind as David readies his weapon, "that could be nice. Maybe out by the lake to Hell? Or perhaps out in the Forest of No Return, you think she'll like that? Oh, I know! We could all go for some family fun time to the Cave of Wonder that recently opened up behind the florist shop!"

Before he can supply his own sarcastic retort, he sees what they're looking for and he brings the yellow vessel to a halt.

There.

Three hyenas, each at least eight feet high, larger than he's ever seen before, are crouched in the street ahead, drooling miserably all over the asphalt. There's a crazed look in their eyes, though none quite as insane as the one on the left, who looks downright manic.

And hungry.

And angry.

If not for the ridiculousness of the beasts' laughs - actual _laughter_ \- he would have noticed the similarity to a certain three-headed beast he has no intention of thinking about now.

"Ready?" He calls over his shoulder, hand and hook on stick and wheel respectively, his foot hovering over the clutch.

"When you are, Hook," the prince replies. David slips out the window to sit on the edge of the car, rifle aimed straight ahead.

"On three then," Killian says loudly, hoping David can hear him over the Beetle's noisy idling, "and don't forget to aim for the neck. One, two, _three_!" He easily slips the car into first, foot already hitting the gas, and they're barreling down the street in seconds, headed straight for the wild hyenas.

It's crazy, he knows, but he can't stop the laugh that escapes as they surge forward, a tiny machine against three monsters, the tranquilizer gun their only hope against such impossible odds. He hears a couple of popping noises, David yelling over the noise of the engine as he shoots again and again, Killian's laugh turning to a battle cry as they get closer and closer and-

The first hyena turns to run, the other two follow, but before they get far, the three collapse bonelessly on the cement.

Unconscious.

Killian pulls the car over in a half spin and yanks up the parking brake, adrenaline still surging through his limbs. David's slides slowly back into the seat.

"Bloody hell, mate, that was close," he says, eyeing the beasts suspiciously. "Better call Regina to shrink them back to size, eh?"

David nods. "Nice driving, by the way. Emma been teaching you?"

He only grins as he shakes his head. "I captained a two-masted, fully-rigged pirate ship for over a century, mate. Figuring out this simple contraption is child's play."

The bug shudders just then, a cloud of smoke rising from the rear engine as it dies.

David laughs, slapping a hand on his shoulder from behind as Killian furrows his brow at the infernal machine's console, but he can't make out anything useful but a light that reads "Check Engine".

"Well, _mate_ ," the larger man says happily. "I guess I'll leave you to figure out 'this simple contraption' while I go get the mayor."

Still laughing, he flips forward the passenger seat and climbs out the door, rifle in hand, and heads off down the street.

Killian shakes his head at the machine he thought he understood and mutters quietly, "Emma's _definitely_ going to kill me again."


End file.
